I'm bare and you don't like it

Usually in relationships, real or imagined ones, I've been closed off. I've kept my feelings and emotions close to me in an attempt to not be hurt. I'm the girl who used to smile pleasantly and tell you everything was alright when all I wanted to do was curl up and cry possibly even die. But not this time. This time I laid it all out there. And I did it without fear. I knew it might turn out badly but so be it.
I told you how I felt. I told you what I hoped for. I even admitted to being jealous. Admitting jealousy is huge for me. Hell, it's huge for most people. Most people don't want to open themselves up enough to admit jealousies and insecurities. I know I never have. I've always been the strong one. Never let them see you cry. That was what I lived by. But to you I admitted it all.
You aren't in the same place I am. You don't feel the same way. It hurts. God, it fucking hurts but you know what? I'm glad I told you. For the first time in my entire life I feel like a grown-up. I know that sounds silly but it's true. I didn't play games. I didn't wait it out. I told you how I felt knowing it would probably not turn out the way I wanted. It didn't but it will be just fine. I will be just fine.
I could go the normal route and be the angry bitch. I could cut you out of my life. I could wallow in my pain and curse you to all my friends but I won't. You didn't do anything to me. I did it to myself. I had unrealistic expectations. I do have to thank you though. Something about you gave me the courage to be honest. For so long I've kept myself closed off and have not allowed myself to feel anything but bitter. Without hesitation I opened myself up to you. I told you my secrets. I exposed my vunerabilities. I gave you the power. I discovered that even though it hurts it also feels good. I'm proud of myself because I didn't hide. Thank you for allowing me to grow. Thank you for letting me be honest. Thank you for showing me next time will be that much easier.
However, it's so sad about us you know, very very unfortunate. I wanted the best for us, for you, for me, for them. But really, what are we but lies? I lie to you non-stop, you repeat the same. The past never left us, and future can not be ours.